Rayne (rayne_sotd) wrote,
Rayne
rayne_sotd

  • Mood:

revel in the red

I am having what is to be my last period. It started today, which is funny because they NEVER start on time, but it did this time LOL! My hysterectomy is March 21st, and Im still really scared. I sit here and think... I cant go through with it...but I HAVE to. I am going to. Im just scared.Not scared, nervous I guess. Hell, I dont know. I go look at books, and everything is so clinical. I found ONE book that wasnt. It's called "Through the land of Hyster" but, of course, you cant find it ANYWHERE except online (Amazon ect..). I have tried every book store in town, but nobody carries it anymore. Commie bastards. God forbid they carry anything PRO Hysterectomy right? They have TONS of books called "you dont have to have that hysterectomy!!..(unless you are charly and have her problems)" really, the book was ACTUALLY titled that, Im not delusional.

I really need to get off my menstrual cramping ass and clean my house. Today is crash clean day, Marius's Great Aunt called yesterday and asked if she could stay with us for the funeral, of course we said yes... she'll be here today.

I was doing *so* good with FLYlady. what happend? Oh yeah, my uterus hates me. ... more excuses. Truth is, my uterus hates me, and I was in pain, and that seemed like a good reason to not do anything but the bare necessities. And then only when it reached emergency level. (ie: we have no more glasses and plates in the cupboard)

I think Im getting depressed. Maybe thats my problem. Or, maybe Im just lazy.
Tags: hysterectomy
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